I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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