I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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