I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
