i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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