Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
