biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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