I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize