You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
