hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize