He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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