I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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