Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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