Someone shit on the floor
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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