i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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