I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
