So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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