we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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