his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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