So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
