i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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