my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize