Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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