omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize