Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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