my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
