you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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