I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
