It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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