On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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