Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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