you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
