as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
