I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
