I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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