Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
