You don't have asthma, your pregnant
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
