Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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