so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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