Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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