I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize