Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
