i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
