One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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