I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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