I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
