dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
