Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
