we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Randomize
