I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize