Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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