so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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