I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
