I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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