you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
not ubering you a puppy
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
