Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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