fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
