My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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