i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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