I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
