wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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