The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
from now on my penis is your penis
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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