they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
