having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
