I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Randomize
