if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
