he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think im going to throw up on grandma
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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