Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
