Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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