i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
