cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
