Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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