I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
