Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
