We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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