he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize