my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
