We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you would pick up someone in the library
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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