Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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