i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
