Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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