I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
