She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Welp...herpes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
